A loveless marriage
He longs for more
you want to reach for that door.
It's just one step too far
the door just stays ajar
Darker,darker each day
lightness is a shadow she doesn't know
trapped in a promise
she couldn't brake
The cold ring burns her skin
but she must think of her kins
so she stays
till the end of her days.
Death is close.
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rhyme
hey
i'm a creative writing student and i just thought id give you some constructive criticism :P
i loved this poem, i liked the theme and especially the idea that she's so close to getting out but is almost paralysed. the door is a good metaphor for divorce too.
the only thing i have to say is that the rhyme is so forced and it shows through.
poems really don't have to rhyme and i think it would help to improve yours if you avoided cliche rhymes.
xx
hey thanks 4 the comment i
hey thanks 4 the comment i appreciate it
x