AUTUMN LEAVES
COLOURED LEAVES OF AUTUMN
Autumn leaves tumble to the ground
changing their colour as they scatter around
My favourite colours can now be seen
Brown, red, orange, yellow and green
The wind blows through the scattered leaves
While they dance around in the breeze
Sunshine comes enriching their glow
To make the most of a spectacular show
The glistening leaves lay in a bed
The yellow and orange enhancing the red
The autumn season brings so much colour
I just can´t wait to see another
Angel
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Welcome and great start!
I saw in your quiz poem post you were looking for suggestions/advice. Although I am no expert myself (my own poems are far from perfect) and I do recommend reposting your poem in the critical forum, I have a few suggestions on this poem. First, the word colour is used several times throughout the poem, try varying it with a similiar word, i.e. hue, shade, tint, etc. Perhaps with scattered as well. Also, not exactly a suggestion, more a critique, and I don't mean to offend, consider rewording the closing line. I often find these the hardest to write myself. Good luck, you're doing great.
Hi Nikbern
I think you have already shown me why it lacks interest. I will go now and alter the words a bit using your suggestions, I think it will look good, Thank you so much. Angel
I just love poetry, but can't make it look interesting or find the special words needed.
Angel
Hi Nikbern. I took your
Hi Nikbern. I took your advice and this is how I display this poem now.
Re Written.
Shades of Autumn
Autumn leaves tumbling to the ground
Changing their shades as they flutter around
Tints on trees so picturesqe to be seen
Brown, red, orange, yellow and green
The wind blowing through the newly shrewn leaves
While they dance around in the light breeze
Sunshine enriched berries so vivid they glow
Making the most of a spectacular show
The glistening leaves lay in a bed
The yellow and orange enhancing the red
The autumn season brings so much hue
Abundance so brilliant vivid and new
I hope you like this updated version rather than the first one,
Angel
I just love poetry
Autumn Leaves
It's not that this (or any of your poems) are lacking in interest or are boring, I apologize if I made you feel so. These are your works keep that in mind, and remember all good things come from practice, perseverance, and patience.
Hi
Thank you for your kind comments, I was certainly not offended. I have changed my poem and I feel more satisfied with it. Thank you so much Angel
so beautiful
i think it's a pretty poem. i like it a lot. sorry, it's not criticism that you want- just praise.
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Hi So beautiful
Thank you for your kind comments. I was just looking for advice really to find out how I can improve my poem. I did put it in the critical poetry forum, I'm not sure what I did wrong but admin locked it and said I had to pay my debts first. I was not really sure what they wanted from me really. If they wanted me to criticize someones poetry I am certainly not in a position to do that. So best I keep out of there until I understand what it is all about.
Thank you Angel
I just love poetry
Brilliantly Written
I can tell you love poetry :) I feel the same. I think I am in the same position as you; frustrated that none of the poems I worked hard to create and held so much pride in have yet to recieve comments. I feel discouraged that nobody recognises my hard work; yet everyone else seems to be lavished with praise! I hope I will not continue to be forgotten. As for your updated poem, the words you substituted are very effective and artistic. I think I could learn something from you.
-Epitome
Hi
Maybe you should register at my forum. we have good feedback. Thank you so much for your comments. Angel,
We just love poetry
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