Many people use me
As a role model,
But I weep for them,
I pity them.
And I weep for myself.

This feeling has a name
But labels are evil.
This emptiness, hopelessness, doubt.
I have the power to change,
But something dreadful has occurred:
I cannot change,
I have learned helplessness.
It hurts more to change than it does to stay captive to misery.
I cannot change.

As I drive
I think of today's events,
Another failure,
Another portion of my life
I wish I could redo
But would never want to re-live.

My life falls to pieces
Before my very eyes.
I crash and hit the bottom
My life is full of lies.
My mask is so carefully constructed
That I even fool myself.
The mask of blithe optimism

I I had one wish
I would wish for true joy,
Joy that was
All mine.
Joy that did not have consequences.
But wishes are only dreams
And when we wake up,
It was only a memory.