For the longest time I wasn't sure what I wanted to be for Halloween. Well, that's a bit of a lie. I wanted a gothic Lolita dress dang it! I really really did, but I couldn't get the one that I wanted because you have to be eighteen to own a paypal account and it was too much of a hassle making one. Which is too bad, because the dress that I would have bought would have been tailor made and very very good quality, right to my specifications. It even had an amazing petticoat and bustle, but whatever, we can't always get what we want. Especially when we aren't eighteen...:

Anyways, I ended up settling on a special order theatrical Queen of Hearts costume. It looked pretty cute to me anyways. It's not one of those cheap cheesy ones either, so I'll be happy with it. It's nice, obviously themed in red, black, and white and no it doesn't have retarded hearts all over the place. So I did a little customizing of my own with some cute distressed stockings, some six inch vinyl platform heels, and of course I had to get little vampire fangs since I was originally going to be a vampire and I had to give it up. ; ; Yep, no vampire in goth Lolita dress this year, but one of these years, you better watch out!

I've always loved Halloween costumes and dressing up. Any chance I get to dress up is something that I look forward to. I guess that that stems from my parents constantly dressing me up when I was little. They made me wear some of the most outrageous Lolita things. Frills and lace and jumpers and bonnets and bloomers. They made me an absolute mess of pearls and parasols and bows, hence why I'm so partial to goth Lolita now. If I had my way I'd be wearing things like that all the time. I'm actually terribly pissed at myself for turning down a black velvet overcoat with a bustle on the back. I should have fricking taken it! Arg, but I turned it down because it was three hundred dollars and even if it was a gift, my parents really needed the money, so I made them take it back. I liked it though!

I've always liked things like that though. When I was in ballet I would jump at the chance of a performance, when I would get to wear flowers in my hair and put on my white taffeta tutu. Twirling all around onstage with a smile on my face, I ate attention. I loved it when I would have pageants and pioneer girl performances, where I would get to wear the traditional Indonesian wear. That was so nice getting to wear the batik and the airy fabrics. Of course then there were all of the prior Halloweens. I'll try to remember my costumes. Most of them were when I was younger… I was a princess a few hundred times, a ballerina, a nurse, a priestess, Yuffie Kisaragi, I was a gypsie, I was Elphaba, Maureen in her rubber cat woman costume, Eponine, and then finally I was a French maid. I loved all of my costumes and I still have a number of them. Haha, I have two maid costumes. One in black and white (which I don't like much) and one in black and pink (that I really really love).

I dunno, I just have a thing for getting to be someone that you're not. Besides, Halloween is all about masquerading as someone else. You change your clothes and for one night you change your whole personality and your whole life. You start over as something that only lives in darkness. Children in masks and pretty costumes become the norm and men in any sort of clothing become desirable. Halloween is a night to forget yourself and just follow your instincts and your impulses. It's carnal. I adore it.

I'm so looking forward to Halloween.