Calamity Joe's a jinxed old gent
Who's life was full of woe
He lost his money and his mind
Now, three score years ago

He was an orphan, lost to grief
Departed from his parents
Their short connection was so brief
They died from grief, apparent

He stole and pilfered what he could
Throughout his young childhood
He never could do any good
Or live the way he should

Renown to local town police
He built up quite a record
Straight up and down, and round and round
Across the clipboard, checkered

Yet anything he stole away
Someone had stole from him
Just could not win, to his dismay
His gains remained so slim

He grew in age, from ten till twenty
Stowing in someone's basement
The seldom joys, just were not plenty
Confined in his displacement

One day he found a heap of cash
So joyed he'd struck it rich
He took the money, ran with it
And hid it in a ditch

He walked the streets with pride and pep
Ecstatic with his find
He had some pepper in his step
And thoughts had blown his mind

"I'll buy me a nice new 'Awt-mobile',
A suit and fine top hat"
"I'll wink at galz, and cruze the vill,
And tip my top hat at"

He went to bed with glee that night
Wearing the same worn cloths
And dreamt a dream of days so bright
Smiling, all while he dozed

That next blue morning he awoke
With great things on his mind
He walked back to the spot, he cloaked
In search to find his find

Alas! He found that it was gone
For someone'd dug it up
He fell with tugging pain, forlorn
With head in hands, both cupped

Just sat there, thinking, in regret
Of things that could have been
A greater fortune, of this net
Would never come again

From that day, till the end of his life
No furtile glee, he'd see
All eighty years, marked up with strife
For poor Calamity