La la la la, I'm so tipsy.
It's always so amazing to me
How much more perfect life can be
When you're a little tipsy.

Why can't the president get tipsy?
Maybe then he'd be true,
Cause lying is just too hard to do
When you're good and tipsy.

Why can't detectives be tipsy?
It's so much easier to think clearly,
And see things that are just merely
Nothing if you're not tipsy.

And why can't lawyers be tipsy?
Maybe they wouldn't chase innocent peeps
And just go after assholes for keeps
Until they were done being tipsy.

WhY CaNT writrz bee tispy?
Id't bee soooo much more fnu
Reeding stfuf that doznt maek too much sense tooooo reed all teh tiem liek this
CuZ YoUUUU Fogret to ryme when tispy!

And why can't musicians be tipsy?
Oh wait, most of them go beyond liquor
And take drugs that make them much sicker,
Instead, they should just get tipsy.

Why can't computer geeks be tipsy?
Maybe then they'd accidentally write the wrong code,
And knock all the AI into “enslave the world” mode.
So maybe they shouldn't get tipsy.....

And why can't television writers be tipsy?
Well okay, I think all of them who write soaps are,
Cause otherwise it wouldn't take a character two weeks to walk to their car.
Stretching stories comes from laziness, inspired by being tipsy!

And why can't actors and actresses be tipsy?
It'd make their roles so much easier to get into
Unless it's a character who'd just been to
An AA meeting... They shouldn't be tipsy.

And why can't bus drivers and text drivers be tipsy?
Oh cause that'd be stupid.

And why can't scientists get tipsy?
Hmmm.. What happens when you mix these.... BOOM!
I guess tipsy scientists could lead to much doom,
So they'd have to stay VERY lightly tipsy.

Why can't retail folks be tipsy?
It'd sure make shopping enjoyable
If for people to be employable
Had to be good and tipsy.

And why can't mechanics be tipsy?
Then they wouldn't be able to spin such bullshit,
Spending less time fixing and more time getting you hit
In your wallet. They should totally be tipsy!

And why can't we all be tipsy?
Cause every woman and man's-a
Better off that way, so just head to the next stanza,
Then we'll all get tipsy!

So did I say I was tipsy?
Maybe it's time for a party?
The best kind – let's party hardy!
Gonna get ourselves more tipsy!

I think everyone should be tipsy.
You get so relaxed, so at peace,
It's kinda like your brain is on lease,
But you forgot to pay this month, too tipsy.

I don't deny it's bad to be too tipsy,
But really I'm too tipsy to care.
Just be careful you don't go out there
If you're a little too tipsy.

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!
Yeah I know that didn't end with tipsy,
Why are you getting so lip-sy?
I'm done here, so I can go WHEEEEEEEEEEE!