Another bar,
Distant town,
Glass filled up
Spirits down.

Bleary eyes
Check my dress,
Not from round here
Is the guess,
Barmaid curious,
I can tell,
Caught her looking,
For a spell.

She flutters her lashes,
For all to see,
Winner for most popular,
Wasn't going to be me.
I order more beer
And a JD as well,
Her hand brushes mine,
I see her chest swell.

The locals are jealous,
I feel tensions rise,
They all dream of laying
Between her slim thighs.
The local "big cheese"
Stands next to me,
A pint for himself
And a dark stare for me.

She serves him politely,
Then turns back to me,
He's not a happy bunny,
It's quite plain to see,
Two of his mates
Stand the other side of me,
Trying to be menacing,
Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

"Big cheese" moves close,
He smells of old sweat,
Tells me to leave,
But I'm not leaving yet,
Tweedles dum and dee
Start flexing their frame,
I down my JD
And ask for more of the same.

Her hand reaches over
And refills my glass,
"Big cheese's unhappy,
I'm a pain in his arse.
He tells me again
That it's time for the door,
I wink at the barmaid,
To piss him off some more.

His hand on my shoulder,
Meaty and thick,
Pulling me round,
My left hand is quick.
I catch him midrift,
A good solid hit,
He falls to the floor,
Like a big bag of shit.

Tweedledee's got the hump now,
And throws a head blow,
I duck and he misses,
I strike at him low.
He clutches his bollocks,
Pain in his eyes,
A blow to his chin,
He's lost in the skies.

"Big cheese" moans
So I stamp on his face,
He looks so untidy
Spread out in this place.
I turn for Tweedledum,
But he's seen enough,
He might look menacing
But he's not so tough.

Back to the bar,
To finish my drink,
A different town,
Same old stink.