We started out quite sensibly,
My mate And' and me,
We had a few beers, play some pool
and watch the pub tv.

Then, just as we're about to leave,
And head for our next of kin,
The landlord bolts the door and says,
"Right lads, it's a lock in!"

Oh Shit!!

Up to this point, I was doing alright,
I was merry, but still in control,
Two hours later, I was out on a limb,
And I knew it was time for a stroll.

So, chin on my chest, I head for the door
And soon we're out on the street,
About this time I say thank you to God,
For my marvellous 'homing' feet.

I can't really remember the journey home,
But I remember reaching my house,
I remember Andy saying to me,
"Sshh, be as quiet as a mouse"

In the front room, the two wives are there,
Both staring with a look very grey,
I look at Andy and he looks at me,
We giggle and think of something to say.

He turns to my wife, says "You look very nice"
And I in turn nod that it's true,
But a rabid rhinocerous with warts on it's arse,
Looks good after so much 'brew'

Just after this, when I thought I could cope,
Things take a turn for the worse,
I remember taking a piss and starting to miss
And then suddenly, comotose.

I need to lay down, so I find the fridge,
And curl up on the kitchen floor,
And thats where I stay, till next afternoon,
I come round just after four.

As I get up, my wife is stood there,
Looking a lot happier now,
It's a sick and sad person who enjoys my suffering,
But she does, the self righteous cow.

Never again