After tender first kiss number one,
I thought I was in for some fun,
I should have gone a bit slower,
This girl needed a mower,
I had half of her pubes in my lung!

After tender first kiss number two,
'Bush girl' went, so this one is new,
But she didn't show much class,
Shouting "Stick it in my arse!"
Apparently nothing for her is taboo!

After tender first kiss number three,
Nice looking girl by the name of Sherry,
Put my cock to her lips,
Then wriggled her hips,
And said "Fill my mouth up with your pee!"

After tender first kiss number four,
We both ended up on the floor,
The love making was quick,
But I felt quite sick,
When she said " That'll be fifty quid, I'm a whore!"

After tender first kiss number five,
On a beautiful countryside drive,
She chained me to a post,
For her strap-on I was host,
I was lucky to get out alive!!