When you're one,
Life's loads of fun,
Except the smelly nappies.
On walls you scribble,
On clothes you dribble,
And that's what makes you happy.

You waddle around
Ornament town,
And mum moves them all out of reach,
But while she's not kooking,
You're off to the kitchen,
To play with a bottle of bleach.

Lunchtime is here,
And in your highchair,
You survey the battleground ahead,
The target today
Is dad, and you spray
Him with milk and throw bits of bread.

Then it's time for a nap,
On your mums lap,
So she can sit and watch telly.
You fidget and snore,
Fill your nappy somemore,
Till mum feels the damp on her belly.

"Let's clean you up,
You mucky pup"
Mum seems to like playing with poo,
So you give her somemore,
And shit on the floor,
And dad comes to play with you too.

Time for a bath,
This makes you laugh,
As you splash both your arms up and down.
Mum says "Keep still"
As the shampoo she spills,
All over her clean dressing gown.

Upstairs to bed,
Washed, changed and fed,
Butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.
But in the morning,
While mum is still yawning,
You'll be up to your tricks, north and south.