I take my seat at the Golden Grove
And watch the waitress, Xu,
She’s sweet and pert, and her shortened skirt
Shows off a dimple or two;
She brings the menu, a pretty smile,
I get to the “Wo xiang yao....”
But she shakes her head, before I’ve said
What I want, would like, or how!

She points to the meal I didn’t want,
I crease my ‘lao wai’ brow,
“No no – Lan shan” is my one response,
“Lan shan kafei, niu nai...”
Do you have it? – this is a coffee shop?
All I want is a cup – that’s wrong?’
She rolls her eyes, looks up to the skies
And mutters: ‘Wo bu dong!’

I check my book, have I overlooked
Some word, some phrase – a tone?
‘This is a ‘Kafei Dian?’ I say,
She brings me a chicken bone,
Immersed in water that they call soup,
I feel a sweat coming on,
I wave my hand, ‘bu xing, bu xing,’
She mutters a ‘Wo bu dong!’

Can you say ‘Yes?’ Can you say ‘No?’
She shakes her head, ‘Mei you!’
The sweat breaks out on my fevered brow,
‘Ni ting dong ma,’ I go.
She smiles so sweet, she shakes her head,
She never will understand.
“Ni lan shan kafei or not,” I cry,
She mutters ‘Ni man man kan!’

“That’s it, I’m off,” I shout out loud,
‘Wo yiao zou le,” I roar,
She follows my every move as I
Make tracks for the outer door,
I pause and turn as I reach the street
To see her standing - then:
“Zy jian!’ I snort, but she smiles at me:
“Goodbye – Please come again!”

David Lewis Paget

(Glossary: - Wo xiang yao – I would like
Lan shan – Blue Mountain Kafei – coffee
Niu nai – milk Wo bu dong – I don’t understand
Kafei Dian – Coffee Shop
bu xing – you can’t/don’t/ do this to me
Mei you – nothing.
Ni ting dong ma – Can you understand?
Ni man man kan – take your time.
Wo yao zou le – I want to leave. Zy jian – Goodbye.)