Internal Battle
Internal Battle
By Debborah Jensen
What is this feeling inside of me?
Loneliness the common tragedy.
People around me, but I am alone.
Inside this bubble, I call home.
Boredom it's companion, dampens the mood.
sadness sidles in, she is so shrewd.
Loneliness, boredom, sadness, you three,
bars that steal joy you see.
Life is faded, somehow muted.
My mind is my own, that can't be disputed.
So out you triad of misery go.
I will be thankful, for this I know,
will cause the wheel to turn around,
Till only positive thoughts abound.
Each thankful thought a dagger sinks in
the chest of the three, that is no sin.
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Common Ground
DebborahAnn,
I wish I could sit here and offer up a glowing review of this piece but unfortunately I can't help but feel that it has all been done before. You posed some very common questions but left no hint of how you want them answered, literally or emotionally.
Pete
I don't write for glowing reviews.
What you think about, you bring about.
The answer is in the poem, when you get lonely, bored, sad, turn your thoughts to what you are thankful for, and it will kill those three(the triad if you will) I didn't think I had to explain it, but obviously I did perhaps a rewrite is in order. Who knows?
Debborah
No Insult Was Intended
If you took umbrage at my review you really shouldn't. I was just offering one man's opinion.
Sorry if you took me wrong.
Pete
PS: Still want me on your Buddy List?
I didn't take umbrage
What you think about, you bring about.
I didn't take umbrage, but was puzzeled at it and tried to clear it up. I felt your critisisms were unfounded, however you were right about it being done before, we all have those three, lonliness, boredom, and sadness, but it was that touchstone that usually attracted people to my writing. Of course I want you on my buddy list, I have a thick skin, but will tell you when I disagree.
Debborah
Excellent
Deb,
I am not here to discourage anyone. I don't always agree with every comment I get because all of my pieces are part of me and kinda like my children. I will listen to good suggestions and act on them accordingly. I'm not a perfect writer but I do beleive I am a good writer. If you feel the same way, then that's a wonderful thing.
Still Buddies,
Pete
Couch & Coffee
Deb,
Things would be so much better if we were sitting on a couch over a cup of coffee and going over each others stuff. Eye contact and voice inflection say so much more than typed words on a monitor.
Pete
Couch and Coffee
What you think about, you bring about.
Dear Pete,
Close proximity does make it so much easier.
Debborah
Not a doubt in my little pea brain
Deb,
Discussion with openness and candor is alway superior to words typed over the internet. But this is what we have so we must be careful to make ourselves understood so that misconceptions and hurt feelings don't arise. When I comment on a piece it is for the purpose of sharing my immediate reaction to the piece, perhaps I will wait and read it again before commenting. Couldn't hurt I guess.
Your buddy,
Pete
True
What you think about, you bring about.
I appreciate your comments immensly, it's how a poet grows. We have a narrow view of our work, like you so elequently put it, they are very much a part of us, that we may not realize how we come across till we allow others to comment on it.
Your buddy,
Debborah