Lukshuna Dreams

Lukshuna Dreams

Frightened angel
Lukshuna dreams
Twitching and sometimes mewing and moaning
The tiny hands clutching

Fever is eating Lukshuna's young brain
Turing his blood into a river of Fire
A river of nightmare coursing the billions of tributaries
Running the enclosed universe of the tiny
Trembling body

The name of the fever is Kaputhanka
And this particular demon is never satisfied
This demon consumes itself to the husk
and so it dies feeding its own stomach

Rumanni's Lament

Rumanni
The mother of the child holds the little
stiff
burning body in her shaking hands
"Hey little one.
Hey.
Don't be in such a hurry to leave me, little one,"

She whispers in that voice
that women have for children
A voice that asks and humors all at once
A voice that no man can make

"Hey there?
You in there?"
Her voice takes on an edge
"Please . . . please . . . please . . .
God I know you're busy
God I know I can't command you
I can't bribe you or make a deal
what can I trade that you don't already have?

Please don't be mad at me
but you have got to know that I can't just sit here
I have to say something
Please
God
please do something.
I know you know what I'm going through
because you watched your son die."
"I do not presume to tell you what to do
but please do not let this little one pass . . .
We have so many things to do.
Christmas and cookies
Springtime and brightly colored kites
dating and college . . .please . . .please."
And she weeps through the night

Kolur is Summoned

There once was a grey green Sage named Kolur
And for the most part he was very much like the seasoning
Dry ~ dusty even ~ not all that tasty all by himself
But useful ~ even delightful when taken in combination with other flavors

Shortly after Lukshuna fell ill
Kolur was summoned from Far Collabra
And to this day no one can say
How he got from there to here
The very next day
But such can be the way of wizards and sages

Some say that Kolur and Kaputhanka are ancient enemies
Spilling azure blood
From the Time before time
Others seem to think that they were once friends
Twin wicks of the same flame
But that is hard to imagine when one considers how different
They seem to be

Kolur walks around the tiny body
Smelling it
Prodding it gently
Examining it with hundreds of different devices
That had been sequestered in his sea green robes

Rumanni
Watches the old sage as he moves around the child
Her eyes
The eyes of all mothers at such times
"Should I leave?" she asks
Kolur notices her for the first time and smiles
It is the Smile of Spring
After a long Winter
"Mother
Sweet mother
Please stay for we shall both need you
Before this Night has passed."
Kolur produces a flask of the clearest water
Rumanni has ever seem
"Drink this mother of this child.
It is the tears of Eve
and it will strengthen you in this Ordeal."

"Master Sage, will my child die?
Kolur smiles again
"The Power of a mother's love
Beats the Devil
Every time."

She weeps
He returns his attention to Lukshuna
"And now old friend
What dance will you call?"
Kaputhanka speaks without making a sound
"You are an old fool
and you can not destroy me."
Kolur applies an ointment to the child's fevered forehead
"Perhaps not old spot
but I can cast you from this child."
"The child is mine."
Kolur places several sacred objects at nexus points around the child
"Strictly speaking that is not the case."
"Then we shall dance the dance of Dreams.
We shall let the child chose."
"I will abide in that."

"Do you speak to the child?" Rumanni asks
"No, these are no more than the mumblings of an old man sweet mother.
Ignore me."
"What shall we do now?"
"Wait in patience, dear mother. Wait for the fever to break."

Lukshuna Dreams Nuxi and Nishant

The World is frazzling at the edges
Becoming grainy and discolored in splotches
The energy spectrums slide toward deep reds and greys
Flickering into and out of Reality
Fading . . .
The kind old man that smells funny . . .
Mother departs

Lukshuna is trapped in the amber of the moment
the amber of reflection
Radiant angel
Motionless like a prayer

A cold blue fur of electricity

Motes
Microscopic beacons
Always dancing
just beyond his grasp
Reaching just scatters them

Two figures coalesce
A Woman and a Man
Lukshuna knows the name of the woman is Nuxi
and the name of the man is Nishant

Lukshuna wants to talk to them
but they will not listen
Lukshuna hopes that he might meet a beautiful woman like Nuxi
when he grows up
He hopes that she will marry him and be all the things
adolescent boys want wives to be
Lukshuna hopes that when he grows up he will be like Nishant
Strong
Silent
Powerful
The woman wears a phoenix
The man wears a dragon

Lukshuna decides that he is content just to watch the two
They seem to be dancing
He thinks that he will like dancing
someday . . .

The First Dance
Modern Life

They work in a tall building with no windows
They live in those tiny little cubicle things
Where the whole Universe is cut into rectangular spaces

He notices her shortly after she arrives
He had been in on the interviews and
initially thought it would be distracting
Having a woman as beautiful as she
Working in the same spaces

He watches as she wrestles paper into the Beast
(the Beast is noted for its eccentric feeding requirements)
She is so resourceful
So completely focused on the task

And he's thinking
"Eyes the color of poetry
And hair like rock & roll.
Up close she smells
like everything I ever wanted.
And her laughter is a music
That my heart could dance to.
Her smile is a sunrise worth waking up for."

How could he know
he had already fallen in love with her

The Letter on Nuxi's Desk

She knew it would not
Yield the answer she wanted
So It lay unopened
Not unlike a weathered
shipwreck
The days crashed over it like waves
Waves in a sea of Sound

She says
"There are places
In every building
Where the dust gathers
Places around every complex
Where leaves and dust
accumulate
Rooms in every house where
Conversations accrue
Not unlike the darkness
At the heart of every tree"

Nishant Sings a Song in His Head

the valley was full
of roiling clouds
and cloud pieces broke of assuming different shapes
one became a mist hawk arching over my head
and it was all so beautiful
the clouds were the purest white
and the sky
when I could see the sky
was azure
and as I grew into that sky
the snow covered mountains were just flat
the whole world was flat compared to that sky
and the sky was so beautiful it hurt
it was all so magnificent that it was hurting me to look at it
and I knew that I would have to wake up soon
or be lost in that sky

The Art Show in the Lobby

Ceramic eggs
cracked open
Filled with yin/yang knots
Six have broken free
to the outer bowl
No wait
three are free
What happened to the
others?

Nuxi Explains the Night Wind

Last night the wind
ran riotous in the trees over the house
And wild spirits cast about for anyone that will listen
I am caught out in the night without a cap
And all I really wanted to know was
Why me

Lukshuna Meets Kolur in the World of Mist

"I know you old man."
"Very good Lukshuna, I am so glad to make your acquaintance."
"I've been watching a woman and a man in a tall building."
"Very good, may I stay here and watch with you?"
"The Other one said you might come to see me."
"Yes, I imagine he did."
"The Other one
he doesn't like you."
Kolur sits in the dust and smiles
"Young one do not be troubled by this.
You must understand that the world is a balancing act
Not unlike a bicycle.
Do you like bicycles?"
"Yes."
"Your other friend and I
we are sometimes called Yin and Yang.
Ever heard of us?"
Lukshuna looks troubled
"Ah . . .no. Am I in trouble?"
"What could possibly make you think that?"
"The Other
he said I'm in trouble.
He says that's why mom is so upset."
"Oh, pay no attention to him.
He's just cranky."
"Why don't you send him away?"
"You know I was asking myself that. . .
Oh Lukshuna
I'm just making a joke."
Kolur pulls a bicycle out of the mist and passes it to Lukshuna
"Let's say the handlebars of your bike represent
yin and yang.
Let go of either and all hell breaks lose."
"But the man and the woman they are so angry."
"I know son
Sometimes it happens that way."
"I don't like it when they fight."
"You don't have to like it son."
"I don't like the Other either."
"Nobody does son
nobody does."

Nuxi Explains Her Dilemma to Nishant
On a Bridge Under a Winter Sky
Outside the Office Building

"I can't understand why is it men and women can't just be friends?
I have never understood this
I have had to say it and mean it
I was 15 and he looked so hurt
I just wanted him to be a friend at arm's length
I still hate the truth of it
He threw down this book"
She hands him the book

"What is this?"
"His book, a homemade book."
"What are these?
They look like mazes."
"He called them true life equations.
Never been able to decrypt all of them
but then no one has."
"What do they mean?'
"Different equations mean different things.
This one I don't know.
That one has the key right here
see this pattern?
Notice how it is repeated all over the page."
"How do you know that one is the key and not this one?"
"Its the simplest.
Do you have any idea what it means?"
"It means he loved you."
"That's not funny."
"It wasn't meant to be.
You asked what this means and I told you."

And Nishant is Thinking

Loving you
is a red hot poker shoved up my ass
Loving you
is a steel taloned claw ripping through my sternum
Loving you is like losing at the lottery
over and over and over again

I ripped my heart out today
For no good reason
I feel so unlovely
and unlovable
The world I know
the world I show
the world that lies inside me

The world of Light
the world of Night
The world that lies between them

Today I swear never to write again
These are the days of Dragon and Ice
Let me be
Poetry's whore
Let me open my life in the Darkness
Like film to be developed
Hold images against time
Let me burn this film

Maybe later when the world
is starting to fade
And I need the fire of some real intense pain
To remind me I'm still alive
I'll be grateful for the Dragon's claw
in my chest

Perhaps I am the dented can
on the quick sale shelf
Thinking
Pick me
pick me
Pick ME

Polaris is a Double Star

Kolur stands and knocks the dust from his cloak
The boy does not notice

The Sage dances to a music in his head
Stirring the dust
Kaputhanka takes form in the motes

Kolur sings the Polaris song
"you released
into this world
a demon
I released an
angel"

Kaputhanka sings
"They meet above
this world
Negating one another
in a cosmic orgasm of ecstasy
For friends may meet
in the darkness
Striking
as enemies
And what shall
the Dawn reveal"

Thunder rings across the landscape
The boy does not notice

Kaputhanka Asks the Question of Misery

Is misery somehow made beautiful?
Is there fire in the clay?
Is suffering elevated to an art form?
Are all survivors worthy?

And Misery answers
Love
An ancient thing of terrible beauty
Subtle and undeniable
all at once
Nishant Speaks of Love

Though the Sun may fall
Like leaves drop from the tree
She will never
never
Never say
Her words of love to me

Though there are two full moons
One dancing with clouds in the sky
one rippling in the lake
Though I reach inside my self
Holding my heart for her to take
She will never
never
Never say
Her words of love for me

Though the stars sing
bright silver songs
To the rambling wind
turning in the deep blue night
Though she sees the love in my eyes
In the shade of the pale moonlight
She will never
never
Never say
Her words of love to me

Nuxi's Retort

Nuxi
Once when my heart was breaking
I dreamed I opened my self

Nishant
If you did not care for this boy
Why don't you just tell him and let him deal with it
The obsession is his problem not yours

Nuxi
But he was so hurt . . .

Nishant
Its his problem
Hell, he isn't even human
He's so brainlocked by hormones . . .
You aren't sending his soul to Hell
He'll find another breeder

Nuxi
There is no reason to play this game

Nishant
That's a one generation philosophy
It's the only game worth playing
Has there ever been a man that you have fallen in Love with?

Nuxi
(Silence)

Nishant
A girl who only wants to only be friends
Is a girl who wants to play marbles
but never for 'keeps'
Always wants to play it safe

Nuxi
(Silence)

Nishant
Why do you only want to be friends?
And I'm not just talking about this guy
I'm talking about you and every guy
You're so tuff
Do you have any real courage?
Are you afraid of being intimate?
Are you afraid of me?
Do you know I love you?

Nuxi
It is hardly a surprise

Nishant
How do you feel about me?

Nuxi
Well . . . I love you as a friend

Nishant
You what?

Nuxi
Don't be mad
I love you as a friend

Nishant
I love you does not equate with
I love you as a friend

Nuxi
(Silence)

Nishant
Sometimes an actor has to pull of the mask to breathe
(Nishant walks away)

Nuxi
Where are you?
Why can't we go back and play the game any more?
The game where we pretend we are just friends
I hate you for making me cry like a girl

Nuxi Contemplates the Sight of His Back Leaving

You touched me when no one else would
In a subtle
silent way
That no one else could

Everything inside of me
touched everything at every point

No matter how much
I want something to make all this different
Or make it all the way it was
Nothing is going to make a difference

My love is dead
And yet I live
My heart is broken
Yet it beats
How can this be

Nishant Moves Through Another Place

One seventh of a second
That is all it took

Seven seconds
before I could breathe
Felt like more

Seven minutes
without sensation
Totally insensitive
totally numb

Seven days . . .

Seven months
to sort it all out

Seven years ago
today

Nuxi Drives Home in the Rain

ghosts
dancing

ghosts of steam
rising from the hood of the car
ghosts of regret
dancing across the black
and silver asphalt
silvered angels rain down
touching everything

Nishant Finds a Dark Place to Hide

to requite a love
to let it die
in its own time
to refuse to water it
refuse to give it light
or warmth
or care

when you love a pretender
you are doubly damned

face it all who love
are addicted to a daily death
but when the object
of your obsessions
lies with every gesture
you will never know
where comes the wind
or where it goes
who can read
such a sky

to requite a love
to twist its branches
pluck at its leaves
not to kick it
nothing as drastic as that
but it let it wither
in silence
in darkness
in the cold

i may miss your laugh
but i won't miss your lies
may miss your smile
but not your style
your office face
but not the skull
under your skin

ever since
I held your face
in my eyes

i let myself be hurt
this time

after being in love
death does 't seem so bad

Nuxi Calls on the Phone

Nuxi
So?
How ya doin?

Nishant
There are now parts of my soul
That you may no longer eat
Rooms inside of me
now locked

Nuxi
That's rude

Nishant
When you're the one that shuts the window
Better learn to live in darkness

Nuxi
You act like I'm some kind of vampire . . .

Nishant Leaves His Office Door Ajar by Accident

I heard your laugh
Or an echo of your laugh
And it cut me
Like a razor through the chest
The blue parna welled up for hours
I am hurting so bad
I know this will pass
Do I want it to pass
I want to feel good again
I want to feel anything again

If I was someone else
What advice would I give me
You won
you told the truth
you were willing sacrifice yourself
its over, achieve closure and move on

How can I move on
having failed you in every capacity
failed you in every way
failed
I look at all the debris
some still smoldering
and bleed blue parna from my eyes
my hands curl on my chest
my imploded chest
ebbs
I wanted only to say goodbye
it was not an insult
but considering my silence
till now
its no real surprise
You think it so

Nuxi Dreams

In the first dream
I was in an office
You came through the door
You kept your back to me but you listened
As I forgave you

In the second
You were in a field of corn
And the old man you had befriended
Finally convinced you that your friend
Had gone
And there was no way for her to return

In the last dream
We were in a gym
Rose peddles cascaded
Down and all around you
And I kept saying
Why did it have to be you
So particular
Why you
Why always you

Nishant's Lament

I paled
as the silver rain
called loneliness
Bled all color from my eyes

And then one day
Under an azure sky
untroubled by clouds
Aphrodite gave me a playmate
One who walks in beauty
steadfast and constant

But as the years passed
I found that
love must be answered
if it is to prosper
And she did not
Love me

And now
Anteros the god
who punishes
those who would scorn love
Those who do not return love of others
Eats my eyes
Once so full of color

Why not
I deserve it

Lukshuna Feels the Fever Break

"Kolur
Why are they so sad?"

"Oh sweet child
If I only knew that."

"I thought you knew everything."

the Sage laughs
"Lukshuna
The future is as much a mystery to me as it is to you."

"Why is that?"

"Well
It all about choices.
We all get to make choices
and despite what you may be told
No one really knows the future.
If they did
Then choice would be a joke."

Kaputhanka appears on the other side of the child
"Free will is a joke."

the Sage pulls a staff from the dust
"And why am I not surprised to hear you say that?"

Lukshuna points at both of them
"Stop it."

Kaputhanka turns and snarls

Lukshuna snarls back
"I said stop it.
I am tired and I want my mommy."

Kaputhanka smiles and attempts to sound pleasant
"Now look
You don't want to go back there . . ."

Lukshuna walks up to the demon
There is steel in his back
"You will go home now."

"But . . ."

"Now!"

The grey green Sage named Kolur strikes the demon on the head with his staff
The demon evaporates in a puff the color of sadness

"Mister Sage?"

"Yes son?"
"I'm gonna miss you . . ."

"Can't happen son, I'll always be with you."

"I'm glad.
I want to go back to my mommy."

"She's there son.
She's been there all night.
Holding you and keeping you from harm."

"Was this a story about her and dad?"

"No son
It is a story about how you might be."

"I won't be like those two people."

"Its your choice son."

Lukshuna wakes to see the most beautiful thing in the world
His mother's face is next to his
And it fills his Universe
He goes back to sleep and thinking
it's a fine Universe

The grey green Sage named Kolur slips out into the night

Luksauna's Life

The sweltering
Sun
Red
relentless
Everything shimmering
as a mirage shimmers
The World was somehow . . .
insubstantial
frail as a young girls wish

The lone peepul tree
Shading your puja spot
mutually pensive and hopeful
All at once

Whispers in the little alcove
off to the side of those long
Endless steps down to Ganga

finis
Lukshuna Dreams
by William C. Burns, Jr.

If you always do what you've always done
You'll always get what you always got
G. Ganor.