The Moment
Quick, clouds are not anchored
to earth or rock, they are moored
to the wind. They shift and yaw
at the whim of the air's tide
and you have to be ready to hook
the moment. Some - the instant
lovers snare with a glance,
a baby's first lurch for safety
net arms, when stars are birthed
and die in the ocean of emptiness -
happen but once. So, settle in,
be camera-ready
or miss the shot forever.
April 2007
- Donner's blog
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Short-time lurker, first-time poster
I love the image of clouds moored to the wind. It's powerful and evocative. In fact, with one exception, I think the whole poem works remarkably well.
The exception is the tide metaphor. Tides are not whimsical; they are regular and predictable. This undermines the whole point of the poem.
I wouldn't have signed up to post this if that wasn't merely one correctible flaw in an otherwise fine poem.
--
Scott
Thanks for your thoughts,
Thanks for your thoughts, Scott. When I used "tides", I had air currents in mind - trade winds, the paths that air travel which can be mapped, and such. Perhaps if I used "currents" instead of "tides" it would work better? I'll give it some more thought. Thanks again.
Donna Smith
Yes, I think so.
I do think "currents" would go better with "whim" and with the theme of the poem.
--
Scott