Spirituality struggles and feelings about divinity and fear that in Gods eyes how wrong truly loving someone could be. Questioning everything in life, even your own faith, because God is love and you love this someone with all that you have and can give. Even if it feels untouchable, and unattainable perfection and at times feels it is unreachable to be perfect.
Feelings of guilt, eternal punishment, and damnation preoccupied your thoughts that it is evitable blocks your many talent’s which you have not yet recognized or have not fully developed. How compromised beliefs and values are feeling numb, out of touch with those and the world around you.
Finding ways to change some vital part of you’re waking life in order to feel fully alive and whole again in a seemingly inescapable situation you placed in someone else's hands. Finding you have lost your sense of being "grounded" and your need to be realistic. Praying for your spiritual guide asking for help in "the heart of the matter" for future wisdom, heavenly guidance, freedom of truth, a decision or course of action and a need to have clarity of mind to love openly.
It is time to quit punishing yourself and take it easy for a while
You will have and find restoration, and renewal, my child

God Bless All Of You
SJ