These were originally posted in Pffa on the Humo[u]r board (though housekeeping there has since removed Typo).
     

TYPO

‘Love is stronger far than death,’
she wrote, on hearing of his danger.
He answered with his dying breath:
‘You’ll find the third word should be stranger.’

      2001
     

CONVERSATION WHILE GETTING A COFFEE

I do your computers, she said,
antistatic the screens;
whisk all the dust off the head,
and wipe everything clean.

And the keyboards - I give ’em a shake;
upend ’em and see
sandwich crumbs, doughnuts and cake,
thicker than scree.

But answer me this one quickly:
as you stare at your tubes -
how do they lodge there so thickly,
those coils of pubes?

      2002
     

FROST AT MIDNIGHT

Just where I dined, danged if I know -
The Topless Grill? The Bar-B-Low?
So then I had to stop, I fear,
Although the woods were full of snow.

My little horse must think it queer
I fell asleep while pissing here
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

I doubtless gave it quite a shake
But left my fly undone. I wake
As cold as kissing Merryl Streep.
I’d murder for a Downyflake!

Not only woods am I in deep -
Some promises I didn’t keep.
The wife will lock me out, the bleep.
How far before I find a sheep?

      2004
     

SENSITIVE

You started well, expression bland,
to read the pages in your hand,
but then a pang came to your eyes;
your lips moved to subvocalise;
a twitch you couldn’t quite dissemble
and then your chin began to tremble.
Soon the text was blotched with tears.
Deep sobs now punctuate Oh dears
and though I know it’s just expressive,
the wailing seems a bit excessive.
Before the whole thing grows grotesque,
please use the tissues on your desk,
and tell me - I don’t have all day:
Well, Doc, what does my catscan say?

      2004