on the road to self destruction,
i was on a suicide ride
trying to out run myself
but there was no place to hide.

in every direction i turned
the empty feelings would follow.
i tried desperately to fill my void
but it still remained hollow.

i used alcohol and men
which only added pollution,
they briefly stalled the torment
but were definitely no solution.

i became one of those losers
you see on dr. phil
oblivious to the problem
still taking my "happy pill".

my forty-fifth birthday
was the last big bash,
i joined a friend on a sobriety tour
as my gps to "avoid a crash".

i thank god for keeping me intact
until i was able to see,
the wreck i had become
is not who i want to be.

i crave to live in the real world
and to breathe fresh air,
not to be a regular in a bar
getting drunk on cheap beer.

i've made friends at the grill
who are dealing with "stuff"
i hope they too will realize
when they've had enough.

it's so easy to get drunk
and escape reality for a while,
trying to deal with issues head on
will be my new life style!

well that's my plan
and it's good to have a goal,
so I'll take it one day at a time
and try to stay whole!