I've created a monster
It won't go away
Every time I move ahead
It grabs and reminds me
That only I can kill it
It just grows stronger
While I get weaker...

There is no present
Without the past
The latter creeping in
When I thought
I nailed the coffin shut
I'm not responsible
Did my time
But when I look into
His twelve year old eyes
I just give in
While she's making damn sure
I won't forget that If I'm
To continue in his life
I better pay my dues
Or lose his respect...

I must love to struggle
My actions prove beyond
A reasonable doubt
I can spit, curse and shout
That I'm not a sucker
Guilt, tortured regret
Not feeling the pain
Keeps me coming back to
The same ol' refrain
Stuck in this miserable game
I'll never win.

I'm tired of being used
But have I hit rock bottom?
Guess not--
The madness has to stop
Or I'll lose much more
Than saving face
The love of my life
Hell of a price to pay
For not rocking the boat
Disturb the status quo
Show me the sick
And I'll give you my soul
Lord, I'm getting too old
For this s.it...

P-Aug 26, 2006.