There was a time
I would obsess over every detail
Your face, thoughts and dress
There's no rational explanation
Perhaps I was searching for something
I could only dare to find in myself
It sounds good in theory
Fearing I was running out of steam
Trying to capture a dream
That didn't include me...

There was a time
I wrote countless words
That made no sense to anyone
Save for me
I was hoping you would gaze
Beyond the obvious
A gift of intuition that
You didn't have
So much for grandiose expectations
With the audacity to criticize
When you refused to believe in me
What was there to believe anyway?
A question I avoided
But inevitably couldn't outrun
I'm over you, yet it never begun.

There was a time
I hated every inch of your being
Coldness in my eyes
Tongue curled and stung
But I despised myself more
Trying to beat insurmountable odds
What the hell was I thinking?

If you knew the whole truth
You'd die from laughing
Certain beliefs that are sacred
Lines you don't cross
But I was lost in translation
Mired in frustration
No way to escape the aging face in the mirror
Wasting breath on the impossible
Hoping to finally accept the notion
That I was f..ked up
It just can't happen again...

There was a time
I would have taken the guilt to an early grave
Gladly be devoured by regrets
Somehow I was pulled off the edge
Slammed smack dab in the middle of the path
Sometimes it's clearer
Some days it's a blur
Always a chance of a wrong turn
But I know it won't lead back to you...

P-March 15, 2006.