A Parody of Dino’s That’s Amore

(In The Bay State where the lobster is great
When boy meets girl here's what they say)

When the snow hits the trees like a dandruff disease
That's a snow day
When the road seems to slip like your tires have no grip
That's a snow day
Cars will swerve slippery swerves that will shake up your nerves
And you'll sing "Lousy Weather"
Trucks will play get the hell outta my way
like a Bay monster fella

When the ice makes you slide and you’re hating the ride
That's a snow day
When you slide down the street and some parked car you meet
You're in love
When you survey your wreck and say something stronger than heck
wholesale cussing
Pardon me, but you see, back in old Chicapee
That's a snow day

A Parody of Frank’s My Way
Sorry Frank, Dom Deluise Made Me Do It

And now the beef is rare
And so I pour another bourbon
My friend, this thing I swear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.

I’ve chewed a mouth that’s full
I’ve tried each and every hot dog;
And more, much more than this,
I did with heartburn.

Repeats, I’ve had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I took a bromo too
And saw it through as my redemption.

I planned each meal’s course
Each and every step up to the stove
But more, much more than this,
I did with heartburn.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was gas,
I raised my cheek and eased my ass
I ate it all and I might fall
And I did with heartburn.

I’ve loved, Ive laughed and cried.
I,ve had my fill; and still felt empty.
And now, as belches roar
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And saved some for sorbet,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not groceries, then he has naught.
To eat the things he truly craves;
And not the crap of one who caves.
The record shows I ate the roast -
And I did with heartburn.

A Parody of Eddie’s Oh My PaPa
Eddie Fisher as Done by Bill Clinton

Oh my cigar, to me you taste so wonderful
Oh my cigar, to me you were so good.
Nothing could be so yummy and so wonderful
Oh my cigar, you’ve never been this good.

Gone are the days
When you would get down on your knees
And with a gag
You made my knees week with rapture.

Oh my cigar, so aromatic and unlightable
Never a frown, you loved me so.

Gone are the days
When you would get down on your knees
And with a gag
You made my knees week with rapture.

Oh my cigar, so aromatic and unlightable
Never a frown, you loved me so.
Oh my cigar, Oh my cigar.

A Parody of The Police’s Don’t Stand So Close To me
Andrew Dice Clay Does The Police

Young choker, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
She wants him so badly
But she wants the air smoke free
Inside her there's longing
This girl's an open page
His hacking is so close now
This girl must back away

Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me
Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me

Her friends are obnoxious
You know how bad girls shout
Sometimes it's not so easy
To get his butt put out
Temptation, frustration
So bad it makes him wheeze
Wet bus stop, she's waiting
His car smells like disease

Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me
Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me

Don't smoke so close to me
Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me

Loose talk in the classroom
About his cancer sticks
Strong words in the staff room
How does he get these chicks
It's no use, she craves him
He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Abramoff
Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me
Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me

Don't smoke, don't smoke so
Don't smoke so close to me