Older I Get
Broken and torn apart is who I am
I know I'm not alright
And you know that
But its hard to admit it
And its even harder to believe in you
I've tried to believe
But haven't tried hard enough
I need your help
I need you to guide me in the right direction
The older I get I'm starting to understand why
And now I know but it still is a little foggy
Its just hard to understand
But the older I get the more I've been through
And the more I fight and strive to survive on my own
The more I reject and fight you
I've pulled away way to many times
But the older I get the more you have showed me that you were always there
And all I had to do was give you my all and all my best
All I have to do is ask for forgiveness
Trying to be strong not letting go
Cause I know I need you
Need you to help me pull through help me not to let go
Cause I know you love me for who I am
And not hate me and not judge me
The older I get the more I understand
Understand that I do need you
Need you to guide me and need you to help get through
Things happen for reasons and its just hard to grasp that
Its easier to blame you and say WHY GOD
Why is this happening
Why did this happen to me
Out of all the other people you choose me
You have taken away everything I've gained
Taken away everyone I love
But now I know it happens for reasons
Reasons that is hard to understand
Understanding you is harder than anything
And the easiest way is to blame you for everything
Blame you for taking away the ones we love
The older I get the more I wonder
How can you love us
How can you give us life
When all we do is destroy each other
And despise you
But God you know the reasons and you know everything
Help me and others to understand that
Understand why things happen
And you love us just the way we are
We don't have to ever change for you
We can come to you just has we are
And worship you and talk to you
Even though you already know but
You love when we talk to you
And you understand us
You take us for who we are
The older I've gotten the more I started to ask why
Ask why did you do this to me
What did I do to deserve this
But now I know you can learn from the heartaches
Learn from everything that goes on
The hurt the pain God take it away I want to be yours
It still hurts deep inside but God I can't handle it
Tired of this wall of pain I have inside
God destroy that wall and make me whole
Take me and make me who you want me to be
Take this bruised heart and make it better
Take this broken body
And take the pieces and put me together again
I need your help to help me stay holy to you
To read your word to understand everything you do
Cause God its just so hard to understand all you do
The older I get the more I go through
You do it for reasons I never will understand completely
But God as I'm getting older
I've struggled and never figured out that you are it the one I need in my life your all I've ever needed
I guess I was just to scared of what others say
And I've been hurt by too many people
Satan got to me God
He tore every little piece of me up
Bruised me inside so badly
And making me blame it all on you
Making me blame and ask why
And how could you do this
I should be thanking you for keeping me alive
After all those attempts to die
God I wondered why
But the older I get the more I understand why
You want me to live and not be six feet under
You want me by your side when I die and not down burning
God you never did have to send your son to die for us
But you did that's how much you love us
You loved us before we were even born
And you will love us forever more
You are the truth and the way
If we fall God you will be waiting with arms wide open to help us and pick us up
The love we need you have
Through rough times you can help us
All we need is to ask
And God sometimes you are already helping us
Satan loves to destroy us
That's why we need you
Cause hes already destroyed me
But God you can rebuild me
A whole new better me
And the older I get the more I understand you never left me you are there every step of the way
February 2,2008
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Realizing God
I appreciate your works here. It means more to hear you crying out to GOD and seeking HIS answer. And I read a couple of your other pieces where you sound so alone. I want you to know I felt that way to for many years until I came back to GOD. I think there is always a GOD shaped hole inside every person and only HE can fill it. I was also harmed as a child I think that was part of it but I know he protected me through all those years after I accepted his saving name. He wouldn't let me run away. He wouldn't let me do more than a thought or two of thinking of hurting myself. He was faithful and I am glad of his grace. Any way keep posting and if you ever want to talk just reply. It's ok to smile every once in a while even when you don't feel very well.
Ansel
none
Thank you for the comment! I was never harmed as a child thank God..but I did lose a lot of ppl I loved and I'm 18 and I just have struggled so much with God and I was saved when I was 12 but been going to church since I was 5 so I always knew God was real I just always blamed him for things and Satan always pushed me to like cut myself which I did it not a lot but I did try to kill myself a few times for reasons that I thought God never did care and if he did why is he letting this happen so this is pretty much realizing that I know god but I'm going back to him cuz I'm older and mature..I went to a thing called winter jam and this is my second year going its amazing how many ppl show up to worship god and so many ppl gets saved its unreal and I'm so glad that God placed me into this church that I'm at now and God has blessed me I just never really got it cuz Satan always pushed me and pushed me saying to ur alone and always will be and God took ur loved ones away cuz God doesnt love u and so I just still struggle but I think and hope that this time I will stay with God...so thank you