JOYCE
Joyce...
if you had a choice
would you play a silly game,
be outrageous, change your name,
become a devastating dame?
Or would you just remain the same,
scream in vain with whispered voice,
Joyce is tidy, Joyce in neat
Sandles on her tiny feet,
Drifting to a silent beat.
Joyce...
wraps around herself a border,
all thing itemized and spaced,
categorized, correctly placed
to keep her boring life in order.
Joyce...
if you had a choice
would you always cry a lot,
or choose to fly away or not?
Joyce?
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Joyce
Love it. The humour is intrinsic, the rhyme scheme great. The monotony of an ordered existence comes across loud and clear. This piece shows real talent, Ezmerelda. (My only crit. - 'scream' in vain with 'whispered' voice? I think either replace 'scream' or add a comma after 'vain'.)
JOYCE
David....this is all new to me, so every little bit of critiquing is appreciated. Thanks so much for you input, I will see what I can do to make it better. Keep me posted.
Ezmerleda