The Burning Rose
by Hug E. Bear©
I walk through the garden, all filled with roses of pink, red and yellow.
Each rose reminds me of you and how beautiful you are, in all your splendor.
I just want to reach out and touch you ever so softly. To feel your hand in mine as we walk through this wonderland of beautiful roses, my feet never touch the ground. Words could never tell you how much I care for this flower, so soft & beautiful. Your skin is like the petals, so delicate and fair. Your hair smells with the fragrance of the roses. Your lips are soft as the petals with the morning dew.
The fire in my heart, like the Burning Rose, just burns with such intense heat, that I just want to smother you in my arms. Like the Burning Rose, the love and compassion that fills up in my soul, just over flows with emotion. The Burning Rose is such a beautiful flower, like true love, the flame will never go out.
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Hallo
I walk through the garden, all filled with roses of pink, red and yellow.
I just want to reach out and touch you ever so softly.
Words could never tell you how much I care for this flower
The fire in my heart, like the Burning Rose, burns with such intense heat
These are the elements I think are worth keeping for the rewrite. I question the use of all in the first sentence, and just in the second. It will be hard to bring this together into a poem that expresses a coherent thought, but you will be much better off than you are now. What I left out is cliche, cheap, and easy wording trying to express what could be a complicated thought. My suggestion: make your lover into the rose and only adress the flower. Good Luck.
Aleksandr