Theres a part of me
that wants to love you
and theres another part
that wants to hate you
you left when I was young
choosing men and sex over your child
I dont understand you or myself
why do I still love you
sure your my mom but you left
how could you leave
why am I not as angry as I want to be
why am I more hurt
Theres a part of me
that wants to see you
and another part
that wants your memory erased
Theres a part of me
that wants you to die
and another part
that wants you to live with you mistakes
Theres a part of me
that hates myself
I wonder if its my fault
that we couldnt be a family
Theres a part of me
that wants to kill myself
for the things you did to me
and for all the pain you put on my siblings
Yet theres a part of me
No one has seen