Candles
Softly glowing candles flicker,
Lighting faces of sad victims,
Who must fight the waves and surges,
That engulf those swimming vainly.
Many have died tragically.
Candles, each a desperate cry,
To men so corrupt and evil,
They see the pain and turn their backs,
And to God above who seems blind
To His creatures' terrible grief.
United souls in misery,
Witnessing the sea of candles,
Know the strength of many men's prayers
Has built an ark of love and hope,
To bring them all to safer shores.
© 2008 Joyce Greene (All rights reserved)
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great Poem Joyce
I did love this poem Joyce a sad but good write theres many can relate to this one a very heartfelt write hugs from Willow
thanks, willow
There's so much tragedy in the world now, so many are suffering - the candle light commemorations are heart breaking but a sign of people's hope and love.
Thanks for reading and commenting, willow.
joyce
Very Well Written
I thought this was a great write Joyce, and it explores human strength, love, and tragedy very well. There is something quite powerful in the way you express yourself sometimes, and I found this write to be one of those pieces.
The only small suggestions i would make, would be to make the last line of the first stanza seperate, and a line within its own right. ex-'Many have drowned tragically' I just feel that vainly' is a perfect ending for stanza one, and the additional line, may well make the piece even more powerful.
I would add a ; after candles on stanza two, simply for emphasis. (You know i do like to use those little things! :.)
I love stanza three, and I wouldent change a thing.
I hope this is helpful to you in some way, but they're merely suggestions, so please ignore if not appropriate.
Debs
I love that you've done this, debs...
I so appreciate your making these suggestions. I will print out your comment and look at it with my poem. I hate not knowing if I'm making mistakes or not! Thanks a whole lot and have a great evening!
Later, I think you have a good idea about separating the last line of the first stanza. I think that the semicolon after the "Candles" is not me - it is your signature, and I wouldn't really feel comfortable using it. You are a very good critic, Debs, and I love it.
joyce
Joyce
I would change anything structurally in this piece. I don't argue with Debs suggestion about splitting out that one line.
Those in this procession who are questioning God are forgeting that God graced man with free will...man is the problem and God has chosen not to intervene.
Well done,
Pete
thanks for the comment, Pete
One question, do you mean would or wouldn't in the first line of the comment?
joyce
WOULDN'T
It was late and my fingers were stupid!
Pete
I know the feeling...
I've been burning the candle at both ends, lol, lately and my mind gets kind of foggy!!
joyce