The One Who Cared
We plow through snow
That billows like flannel sheets,
Hung on a line in strong winds,
We shine searching lamps
Into a white void,
Seeking vision
Through open windows,
Besieged by cold invaders.
We move unheard,
Driving into nothingness,
Through walls of silent fog
That threaten to divide us,
We feel smothering mists
Closing around us,
Entering through the crevices
Of our quivering souls.
I hear my screams,
Echoing in the silence,
She is calling me again,
Her voice quiets my fears,
I see her searching my face,
Looking to see
That I'm not hurt,
I sleep more peacefully.
© 2008 Joyce Greene (All rights reserved)
- joyce's blog
- Login or register to post comments
Help me out here
Joyce,
Was the body of this piece all a dream sequence of a child and was the one that came to her aid as she awoke from the nightmare her Mom or did I just miss the whole point?
Pete
yes, that's the point, Pete...
Not necessarily a child, but someone in mourning, dreaming of the one mourned. My mom died recently, and when I see her in memory, I often see her searching my face. She did that before she had Alzheimer's, and then, right at the end, when she didn't know me anymore, she did it again. It is the stuff of which dreams are made (Shakespeare?) It is love.
joyce
So, I was fairly close
Joyce,
I would like to ask you to read my latest posting called "Fishing For Lines". I am going to take a short break from this site to reenergize, reconsider and generally think about things.
Pete
I will read your poem, Pete...
Am going to bed in about 2 minutes but will read your poem first. Very, very tired! joyce
Joyce
This is absolutely beautiful! I really think you consider sending some of your work in for publishing, if you have not done so already. It seems that your work just gets better and better, and I, and im sure many others will be touched by the things you say. I know I am. It would be a pity if the world missed out on such a good poet!
Sincerely Debs x
what a sweetheart you are, debs!
I'm so glad you're back. I miss you when you go away! I would like to get published, but I certainly don't have the time or energy to sell the books myself. Maybe when I retire, if ever, I will have the time to look into it. Do your publish? Your poems are of such a high quality and so professional (not to speak of lovely and funny, as the mood strikes you) that I think you must!
joyce
Thankyou
Thankyou Joyce you are way too kind, but most appreciated! I guess when I see talent out there I like to encourage others to share it with a wider audience-hence publishing. That said, i no longer feel the same way about publishing as i did last year. It really is about the enjoyment of poetry and i see the success's as an added benifit. I don't publish myself but have pieces published already, no books as such but mainly journals, magazines and greeting cards (Spiritual) I also focus on a thing called 'Concrete' poetry where you design a picture around a poem. Trouble is I become so disstracted by things and end up having two or three projects on the go at one time! Still thats the way i like it really! I am looking into poetry animation at the mo, yet another thing to try my hand at!
Your spot on about the mood thing-i really like to make poetry diverse and explore many themes and topics. I would bore myself to death otherwise! I hope I haven't bored you too much!
Debs x
fascinating, debs
I'm proud of you - you sound like you're making a success of something very difficult to do! I admire that greatly. Maybe someday I can make a stab at it. Thanks for sharing your wonderful experience!
joyce
Very evocative
Reading your poem, I felt like I was in your nightmare and could envision the world of white mists and cold and fog and nothingness so well that I felt empty. So, this works very well! The only line I didn't care for was "Amidst watery bogs." The (near) rhyme with fog on the previous line was a bit jarring as there is no other rhyming in the poem, and the word "amidst" seemed a bit too formal (your background in Elizabethan poetry coming through I guess). I don't have any suggestions for what to use instead though, and of course the criticism is a very minor one. I love the poem. You might also consider "Of our quivering souls" rather than "In our quivering souls." -- MS
thank you, my sister...
I appreciate your insight. I will print this page and look more closely into what you say. I'm sure all your comments have merit as they always do! Thanks for taking the time to read my poem so carefully! joyce
her - a guardian angel,
her - a guardian angel, mother, someone from the past, i thought of a goddess, or guardian angel first, very nicely written
thanks, aqua
I was thinking of my mother, who died last year, but she was my guardian angel, too. Thank you for your thoughts on my poem.
joyce