I hate that I conformed to the norm & but shattered the mold...

I wanted to be that...
I wanted to be that girl, that little girl who dreamed of prince charming, yet found Mr. Rite, get married & have kids & have a somewhat "Charmed" life
A working mother, a carrer a family, house, kids & a husband to love
But I'm finding it harder & harder each day to eve continue w/the bullshit called love
Knowing I don't ask for much, all I ant is affection
Seems like I keep striking out w/all the losers who chose lies as their obsession
I wanted to be that...
I wanted to be that firl who grew up w/mended relationships, intimate understanding & communication
Not broken relationships & shattered lives filled w/lies & misinterpretations
One who know how to deal, to be loved, love back & make sure that it's right
Not some made up truth of fantasy, mixed w/a little bit of ecstasy & a lot of made up reality, to get that love filled life
Instead, I came from broken dreams of love & devotion
I learned, tortured myself to do it, but o hide all emotions
Never let 'em se you cry, you can never be weak
But please someone fuckin tell me how long do I have to stand the heat?
I can only last so long in the conditions I built for myself, I'm smart enough to know
I just want someone to please tell me, when is it ok to let go?
I wanted to be...
I wanted to be that girl who loved so hard it hurt, but love so hard, yet was smart
Knowing when it was time to pull back & not get a broken heart
Who knew how not to equate love or the lack there of, with i guess you could call affection
But affection sometimes dressed up a little in this costume, I kno very well called, obsession
Not equated love for affection, better yet sexual tension
Where you hurt & longed so long, that any touch felt like a blessing
Yet was hurt all in the same, you was just to fuckin strung out to know
That the thing that you wanted so damn bad was the shit you gave away freely, you simply never said, "NO!"
I wanted to be...
I wanted to be the one on the other side of this pen
On the other side of these eyes, on the other side of this page
I wanted to read someone else's pain, feel their emotions, for once feel someone else's rage!
Read someone else's fears, tast someone else's tears
Shake my head & say, "I've been there before, I know what you're going thru."
"But just keep pushing it, get better, believe me.. it do!"
Yet reaize yea, now I made it, I fought, stuck itout & finally got this shit right
Knowing that the days ahead excludes no more lonely tearfilled nites
But you know what?... It ain't hppened & I ain't there
So shit, I still feel like nobody fuckin care
I refuse to keep up this hope, this aspiration, this dream that one day I'll be able to have it for myself
Fuck it, I'm done, I'm thru, I ain't got no love in my heart left
It's a shame so, cause I came so close last time, I thought I was finally doing me
But just like I said, it was a thought not tangible or real, not reality
I just wanted... wanted to be...