Wedding Night

My wedding night,
What a fright.
All he wanted to do was fight.

“I’m not in love with you,” he said.
Last thing I want to do
Is take you to bed.

“I’d divorce you now
But it’s too soon.
I’ll just keep you around
And make you swoon.

“I’ll pull out your fingernails
And chop off your big toe.
No one will ever know.
And if you say otherwise
I’ll tell everyone
You’re full of lies.

“They’ll believe me
For it’s plain to see
That you’re the crazy
Here, not me.

“Still I’m stuck.
My fault for being a sitting duck
For a witch like you
Whose evil charms
Lured me into her smelly arms.

“In this marriage I’ll never stay.
I’ll wait a year or two
That’s what I’ll do.

“No, I’ll need more time than that.
First you’ll have some brats.
Then after that
I’ll slowly grind you to the ground
Until one day you’re no longer around.

“I’ll keep the all the money for me
And take away your keys.
Then lock you in the house
Where you’ll creep like a mouse
Scared to death of me.

“Yes, yes that’s how it’ll be.
How clever of me!

“I feel better now
Because I have something to look forward to
... Torturing you.
Hah! Maybe I should start right now.
How about I set fire to your hair?
That pretty hair that makes men stare.

“You slut! You strumpet!
I’m not your puppet.
I’m your master.
You’re my slave.
And you’ll rue the day
You seduced me with your lies.

“I’m going to bed now.
But I need a drink or
I won’t sleep a wink
Wondering what you’ll do
While I’m asleep.
Will you kill me
Or will you just go insane?

“How about a headline like this:
‘Bride loses mind.
Commits suicide
On wedding night.’

“Think about it.
It might be better than me
Murdering you, which, of course,
I’d never do.

“So goodnight, my sweet.
I’m going to sleep.
I better not hear a peep
Out of you.
If you wake me up
No telling what I’ll do.
Maybe I’ll cut
Your clit in two.
Ha! Ha! Ha!”

I ran into the bathroom
And locked the door
And spent the night
On the cold bathroom floor.

The next morning
He apologized so tenderly
I almost believed
He hadn’t meant
What he had said to me.

It was the stress of the wedding
Said he,
“You ruined my wedding day.
So I had to make you pay.
But darling dear
Be of good cheer
I didn’t mean those things
I said last night.

“Come on, honey bunny,
Open the door.
Come on, you can’t be
That scared of me.”

I didn’t know what to do.
If I opened the door
Who knew what gore
He had in store.
But neither could I stay in a bathroom
Forevermore.

Yet when I tried to move towards the door
My feet felt glued to the floor.
So sure was I
That I was going to die
I prayed to God to forgive my sins
For this battle with this man
I could never win.

Then he threatened to kick in the door
And bash my head against the toilet bowl.

Maybe if I opened the door and
Smiled at him for a while
When he turned his back
I could grab my purse and flee.

“Don’t try to get away,” he said with glee.
“I locked everything in your suitcase
And I have the key.
Now sit down and talk with me.”

I sat, but my mouth couldn’t move.
So it was he who talked for a long time
About how our marriage would be so divine
And he promised repeatedly
To never again be mean to me.

I didn’t believe him.
But where could I go?
I was only eighteen years old.
I had no money.
I had no car.
And without any clothes
I couldn’t go far.

The next few weeks
He wooed me with wine and song.
I took heart
Maybe nothing was really wrong.
Maybe the wedding night
Was just an apparition.

Little did I know
It would become an almost permanent condition.