Hell Is
Hell is a prison
One with no way out
Hell is total lockdown
No room to move about.
It is a destruction
With bumps, curbs & bends
You know exactly when it starts
& absolutely positive when it ends.
Hell is damnation
A home for the bad
All who enter into its gates
Are certainly not glad.
It is an eternity
Simply a pure hell
Not only do man want to leave
But even Satan want to bail.
Hell is a never-ending pain
A place of conditioned heat
Torture becomes a rollercoaster
A depression you can't defeat.
Is hell a house or a home
It sure is a place of no escape
Time to deal with life as you know it
& how glass... to you... did break.
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hmmmmm
This was going great until you got to this line
"Statistically, you're the weakest link."
which makes the whole poem seem like a joke, and cheesy. I would omit that.
And this stanza
"It is an eternity
Simply a pure hell
Not only do man want to leave
But even Satan want to bail." seemed the weakest for me.....you are describing hell, then still call it a pure hell......seems like a lot of forced rhyming.
As for the last line, I'm
As for the last line, I'm not as fun of it either, so I will change it.
As for the other stanza, Just saying the word Hell sounds scary to me. That's why
I threw it in there. Not to sound repetitive on the word hell, but believe it or not, stressing the word makes the point. It's scary... point blank and I want all to fear it...
I know I do. Thanks for the input.
MORE OF THIS!
LYNETT!YOU WRITE AS IF YOU ARE MUCH OLDER THAN YOU ARE!YOU SEEM TO REVEAL AN EMPATHY WITH YOUR SUBJECT.YOU DO NOT NEED ANY ADVICE FROM ME.OR CAN ANYONE TEACH ANYONE EXCEPT MAYBE A ROBOT,HOW TO BE A WRITER.YOU JUST RAP AWAY LIKE A RAPPER!LISTEN TO ALL THE BIG HITS 50 CENTS EMINEM ETC.!YOU ARE BY FAR BETTER THAN ANYTHING I EVER READ.AND IM INTO ALL LYRICS FOR 50 YEARS.LOL.GET YOUR OWN YOU TUBE SHOW AND WOW THEM WILLOW WILL LOVE IT TOO.HAHAHA.ALL THE BEST O LUK
I guess my wisdom comes with
I guess my wisdom comes with spending time with the elderly. Others disregard them, I learn from them. I try to empathize with whatever I write. To me poety exist because of the heart's desire to express itself. Like Mickey D's, I'm loving it.
As for the rhyming, not all of my work rhymes. In fact, the majority of my work doesn't come close to a rhyme. My aim isn't to sell music, but to capture the world with my words... true heart felt words. Thanks for the advice, but I'll stick with poety and not the music business. Be blessed.