Soaps seem so unrealistic
From the character’s point of view
So much happens to them each day
They wouldn’t survive what they do

Take Flo from the soap ‘The Midlands’
Whose parents were killed just last year
Her uncle’s just become her aunt
Who pushed her best friend off the pier

She then passed her driving exam
And took her instructor to bed
That was behind her boyfriend’s back
While surgeon’s cut open his head

Once they removed his big tumour
And he was allowed back to work
His boss took on an apprentice
A lanky, hairy lad named Dirk

Now Dirk and he are an item
While Flo emigrated to Spain
But next week Dirk will be murdered
By the psycho who drives the train

These problems alone would be grim
But together would be much worse
Still, I’ll be watching as always
I’m under the soap’s wretched curse