Brimming with hope , next day stare at my reflection asking why? who cares. what mouths shall i feed with this never ending chattering this remorseless futile scribbling this ringing never in tune always rapid and so out of reach. I'm not simple anymore unlike my teens when i had nothing but selfish satisfaction, pleasure or as some might call a sin now it's chat , flirt mix tangle wrangle and finally dangle a glistening small fortune.

I want that banal carefree life back, I wish for sleep without planning, or correcting of the day's events. I want, need a stake in this life a share in these markets of today where realty is uncertain for houses are made of wood and submarketing lenders and some bruhaha jolly rednecks keep me from the gloom of a high economical growth in albion, England, Britain, United Kingdom. I need a stake for else I fear I will be lynched I will be sacrificed at the stake I will lay myneck for sake of tension break.

see me for what Iam a man in need of a struggle one without weapons or words or any religion for that matter, I take it back i want no struggle I want the opposite I want a dreamlike state hand in hand with evil fear nothing for I'm dim and silent and at one with my inner guru, pacifist I need a lunchbreak. Will not dance prance or be in a trance for unseen unproven deities.

here Iam in the flesh proud of the sinfull flesh, wrapped in sin. lust break free , animal instinct die out . negro spirutual, negro physical.

Wind goes through my flat and I'm flattened with it , the wind tells me you my boy are not worth the paper you write on, right on I says in my best jive talk in my best, honky doing a brother impression I'm robin williams in the 70s Iam a cracker with a beat.

hoot hoot toot toot root root boot boot

My repetetive habit of expression, no break through so no way to tell if progress has been made. air is hot dry not cooling as should be here I lay with books in hand , searching for the blueprint the map the path the design the dream and the road to it. what is it happy days when it is found I still don't know what it means, it eludes me. bird at my window my windy hole to the world, the harsh crude, crass, vulgar I hate you world and I can tell you don't even care. You don't even see my hate for you, you don't see these men who walk with aspirations too lofty to even attempt elevation.

nasa killed of belief in the almighty, rocket man , ziggy stardust killed of the last moral bastion of those who lacked any moral bastion and such cliches.

sunny day oh what a sunny day and who cares might I add a day like other days, perhaps on this fine day I might find love, might find truth, might stop saying might or looking for the all mighty and forget love let love search for me im tired of the guilt and casual randomness of it all.