when I turned 18 I made some
pretty stupid mistakes
I barely passed high school with
a terrible G.P.A.
after I Graduated I enrolled
into a community college where I
wanted to major in music fast.
but I had one music class followed
by some other unnecessary classes.
I Dropped out of college. I literally just
stop attending.
I really didn't care either because it
wasn't my money that I was spending.
After I Dropped out of college. I would pretend
I had school to fool my parents.
My mind and attitude was selfish at the time
so I took my chances.
I was hanging with a guy who was going
through the same troubles as me
It Felt like we had a connection so i didn't
hesitate to tell him anything.
My father was in my life but at the same
time he really wasn't.
He and I don't have a good relationship
and I Don't know where we went wrong.
He was constantly fussing.
I couldn't take it anymore so I felt
I had to leave the house.
One day I called my mom and told her
about the closet and how I'm coming out.
She said she wasn't going to tell my dad
but I knew she would.
20 minutes later I get a
phone call from him but I ignored his
call. That day I decided to move.
I lived with my gay friend and his parents.
turned off all connections to my parents.
I never answered the Phone when my mom
called. I felt betrayed when she told my dad
so at the time I didn't feel so bad.
As I Write down these bad memories
I can't help but to feel sad.
back in the day I was going through depression problems.
Now as I got older and matured;
that drama was for nothing.
All I want and need is was a loving dad.
My life was full of sin: one was being in another
relationship with another man, I wasn't honoring
my parents and I know that shortens my life span.
Got hooked on cocaine, started drinking and smoking
doing all those wrong things to my mind and body
to keep me unfocused.
it would be four of us getting messed
up off weed and coke.
and while we we are all high
they would want to watch a movie like "blow"
We would watch these movies and it would
always get me thinking:
"I'm heading down the same path these movies
are portraying"
watching those movies click something
in my head so I started praying.
I cried out to God to help me get through
these situations.
I missed my family I wanted to go home
and be with my brother: Jonathan
and my mother: Tracey.
I even missed my dad: David.
I stopped doing coke and separated
myself from that crowd.
I broke the same sex relationship
because I want to be a father.
I want to experience the feeling of my son or daughter
making me proud.
I want a Lovely Wife.
I'm Praying to God for that one girl
to step into my life.
I moved out in January 07 and moved
back December 07.
and in 2008 I got my mind straight.