It comsumes me
This black cloud of heartbreak.
Dispair becomes a knife stabbing me,
Disappointment, a club hitting me.
Shame lays me low.
Hurt is a lump in my throat I can't swallow.

It was the ultimate let go
No note needed
No goodbyes said
Just glorious oblivion
No worries
No disappointments
No tears, no pain, no loss
Just swallow, curl up in a ball

In my sleep
I search for you

I roam hallways
Looking for you always

I look and I look
But you I can not find
Because you are a figment of my mind

Please come to me

No one heard me in the night
no one heard the tears or knew my fright

The dancing ghosts about my bed
the confusion in my head

It can not be, no it is not
I am wrong or so I thought.

I was deformed
Cut off at the knees
though I knew no better
No one told me so
I stood
Even so
And looked them all in the eyes.

I looked them all in the eyes
because
I am.

Anyway.

I used to think I was invincible
That no success was unattainable
As long as I allowed determination and my wits to guide me
Along with the patience of learning and hard work

Stolen kisses in the night
fill your soul with warm delight
Heated breath against your skin
taken kisses again and again
Sweetest honey from my lips
Sweetest agony from my hips

To hear your words of self hate
was like a dark shadow curling itself around me
suffocating me with its grimness
and no words of comfort could I offer
While my soul shrank back in horror

Somehow
To be pleasing has alwayss been more important than being pleased

Or have I concentrated so much on pleasing
(because that determines my worth)

That I didn't notice I wasn't pleased.

Why is it?
that if another thinks me lovabe,
I am.

If another hates me,
I am dispicable.

If another believes me wrong...
then I must be.

Who Am I?

I am everyone and yet I am no one.

I used to be able to make a crumb into a feast

Afraid a feast would become but a crumb.

Yet isn't it better to be grateful for the crumb than to lose it for the feast?

what a fool
thought I was special
but i was not
but for an agenda,
a miserable plot

because of this, my human need
i became victim to another man's greed

Although it depends