The void in me
is too much to bear
I have come very far
and through much
and with care

The void in me
it's on the tip of my tongue
it's the desires of my heart
and it is love

If I didn't have desires
life might be quite easy
but then I wouldn't be me
and it would be cheesy

I hate it
when the feelings of reverse euphoria come again
the feelings of the past
when there was dread

I carry the cross
and have victory
but alas
I still must live
though He died when He did

It was His broken heart
the rejection
of which
I can't even grasp
not that amount
and also not from what He had

In the cleft
I am like Him
in the fullness
I am with Him

But He tasted it first
and that is the only way
I am with Him in everything
but that primary intensity

Caught in-between
unable to die
unable to live
must have been how it was for Him

When He cried out
from out of His gate
It was finished
though His body remained

Hours He hung
as He did take
filling up in Himself
every evil thing

sin He was made
transgressions, offenses, guilt, consequences, trespasses, and iniquity
but I don't see the newness
maybe it's just me

I don't have a gate to cry out from
I don't have a death in which to press on
I only have this
an invisible song

perhaps if I could see
then perhaps if I could also touch
perhaps if fire manifested
I'm almost asking
feeling like it wouldn't be too much

perhaps if I saw
someone healed
perhaps if I saw a deliverance
that didn't take time
perhaps if I saw 1,000's filled from one meal
perhaps if the chariot of God came
or I could take my kingdom
the end of my zeal

But I am a worm
He says to not fear
I don't come into agreement with it
but it's breaks my heart
when my desires don't come
though they felt so near

I hate time
it's never been my friend
everything that I have ever had
was the wrong thing
or was ahead
and didn't happen
or I was in warfare
and unable to continue
or partake of it
as if the wholeness
was established
or a shadow wasn't cast

Eternity used to trip me out
and I know the root
I didn't want to live forever
and I also didn't think I could like it
from what I had heard
I was supposed to worship and praise
though I didn't have anything
and call that what I had

Who can argue with a dying man?
What does He have to show that great and precious promises
is how eternity is clad

I fail
all of the time
my strength was in newness
and boldly coming
knowing that whatever I wanted
and asked for
that it was mine

I knew the difference
and still do
between the sinful flesh
and the Spirit of truth

I gave myself over to Him
and He is in absolutely everything I do
whether to live or to die
all things are Ours
and abundantly above
His chosen time comes to pass

Eternity waits
and gains too
it gains strength, joy, praise, power, and love
while grace and faith are worked
darkness unable to refute

On eagle's wings I ride
though by sight I am a fool
I asked Him for something
and this is my boast-
that we find it together
comparing spiritual things
as the vine is pruned

I have never had lack
knowing the inward man
the newness and perfection
the sinlessness and "yes" and "amen"

mysteries
enigmas
riddles
dark sayings
wisdom, understanding, and knowledge
riches, glory, grace, mercy, righteousness, love, peace, and truth

Oneness is my chief desire
just as Jerusalem, Zion
the palaces, pinnacles, gates, walls, foundations, and rooms

I could go on forever
that is His word to the few
having no place to lie the head
We made it through knowing that great, greater, and marvelous things were His rule

Wonder and awe
possibilties

I am trapped though
and in continuing
there is no longer His glory's hue

call it worldliness
but I race my race
entered in
fought the good fight
kept the faith
and I still haven't received
and what is there to do?

Indeed it is written:
I would have lost heart
unless I had believed
I would see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living

that goodness is tangible
doubtless the spiritual and physical hewn

The land of the living
is where one presently resides
where they may still have His living water
yet for my just reward I still cry