how long should I spend?
How long is my quiet time?
Or time out

How long is my sterilization?
containment and contamination climb?

Show me how you have the mind of Christ
show me how I am not a cornerstone type

Blood cries
and it speaks

Where are your signs?
Where are your babblings
and divinations
that I may withhold love
for it is nowhere but in your house
where your oneness fails to thrive

I want forgiveness
and acceptance
attention
devotion
fellowship
and the like

I was cut down even before my prime
and in place of my time of life
there were only tares and so toiling and strife
and in the end I spent my strength for nothing and in vain
tell me now what hope there is
for hope for only the afterlife
is also the most pitiable

I awaken to grease
and fat is only what I find

I can't shake it
tell me
is it fate
or just my frame of mind?

Someone prophesy to me
and bring good tidings into my life
because nothing supplicates to my flesh
and what hastens to my innermost cries
has yet to give what is truly good
His white and His heights

I am a refuse to myself
an abomination
and absent from me
is anything beyond what is kind

Goodnes has gone from my eyes
and I can't engage
I want what is new
and how it has always been

am I trite?
is this?
I want to be filled
so that the desolations and waste places
are not merely cleaned up for a time

I can't stand to look at myself
nor think of myself
nor do anything with myself

I can't stand to be myself
and if only any fully knew
could any ask why?