The Shadow Child
Once upon a time in need,
An infant was born in the dark,
With a cruel world around him,
His chance to live won't spark.
He grew to be a child,
Hidden in shadows from others,
With the giants all around him,
Who showed with vibrant colors.
As a teenager he dragged along,
Living in an alley way of shadows,
It's only a one way street,
Leading straight to the gallows.
Older now as a grown man,
Wondering the streets alone,
Seeing all the people with chances,
Never having one of his own.
He is an old man now,
Dying day by day,
And a penniless man, he is,
As his shadow finally faded away.
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regisp6~
I think your poem demonstrates the process of becoming enlightened very well. It relays your message clearly.
Here are a few suggestions:
*revise carefully...be sure to make your verb usage consistent
*first stanza, second line: consider changing the word "child" to "baby" or "infant"
*third stanza, first line: I'm pretty sure "her" should be "he", possibly just a typo?
Keep Writing! :-)
Madam Hippie
Thanks :-). I'm a newer
Thanks :-). I'm a newer person at writing, I used to write all my thoughts down in a notebook, and I noticed how poetic I can get sometimes, so I wanted to try it out. Thanks for the input and the grammar correction :-D!
regisp6~
Welcome! :-) Express freely! And no problem...that's what we are here for...to help you improve and encourage you to write!
Happy Writing!
~Madam Hippie