Unwanted Love
What a hindrance, what a pain,
To find myself in love again.
I hope its lust confused with joy,
For I can never have this boy.
My youthful heart is too easily won,
I hate how this game is never fun.
For the outcome is always the same,
I'm alone in my feelings, nothing to gain.
Twice this has happened and twice it has hurt,
I climbed up to heaven and landed face first in the dirt.
Rejection is painful, so I dream of embrace.
My senses lose focus when I think of your face.
So I rein in my feelings, and pull back the tears,
Reminding myself that I have many years.
My pride is shattered as I try to regroup,
Blaming the hormones of what we call youth.
My imagination is spinning most terrible lies,
As my memory reminds me of heart aching cries,
I promise to forget you, for today is anew,
But I know that tommorow, I'll awake thinking of you.
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Wearing My Editors Cap
Rosie:
I read this piece and I liked it for the most part. I beleive a few minor changes would enhance it: See Below
What a hindrance, what a pain,
To find myself in love again.
I hope its lust confused with joy,
For I can never have this boy.
My youthful heart is too easily won,
I hate how this game is never (any) fun. (remove bracketed word)
For the outcome is always the same,
(Im) alone in my feelings, nothing to gain. (should be I’m)
Twice this has happened and twice it has hurt,
I climbed up to heaven (to be thrown) face first in the dirt. (try “and landed”)
Rejection is painful, so I dream of embrace.
My senses lose focus when I think of your face.
So I (reign) in my feelings, and pull back the tears, (should be rein)
Reminding myself that I have many years.
My pride is (in scatters) as I try to regroup, (should be shattered)
Blaming the hormones of what we call youth.
My imagination is spinning most terrible lies,
As my memory reminds me of heart aching cries,
I promise to forget you, for today is anew,
But I know that tommorow (I will) awake thinking of you. (should be I’ll)
If you don't agree that's fine my feelings won't be hurt, after all it is your piece.
Trying to help,
Pete
Thankyou
I find any constructive cristiscm helpful and have made the recomended changes so thankyou ! lol i suppose i wrote it as i would say it, your lucky my poems dont have any scottish slang in them then everyone would be confused lol
Rosie
You're Very Welcome
Rosie,
Are you from Scotland or do you still there in Scotland? I used to work for a woman from there and when she got angry or excited I couldn't understand a thing that came out of her mouth, her brogue was so thick.
It's my pleasure to offer any help I can. I would appreciate it if you would read a few more of my pieces and let me know what you think. Reciprocation = happy writers.
Your friend,
Pete
I will try my best !
I am from scotland and am still living there ! Ha ha even i find some scottish accents hard to understand because theres such a variety and i have to admit when i get excited i speak very quickly !I will try my hardest to you give you my honest opinion but i find it hard as i have only been writing for 2-3 months but i will try my best !
Rosie
is very nice
Rose,
this is very nice poem, mmmmmmmmm
you wrote what everyone is feeling. Thank you.
( My senses lose focus when I think of your face.)
For all it's worth...
Thankyou so much !
Thankyou that is really nice ! even though its a shame it always nice to know your not the only one ! i really appreciate your comment !
Rosie
excellent read....
this was one many can relate to.....
I love the last 2 lines in the last stanza...just great!....keepem coming..peace.
I remember it well...
young love hurts badly. But you will love again. Very nicely done. There is a nice flow to your words.Thanks, Rosie.
joyce
nice one
nice one
I already commented I know....
I just came across this write again and I found it more deep now than before.....I love it....peace