1. If you’re lower class, you’re killed. If you’re middle class, you’re murdered. If you’re upper class, you’re assassinated.
2. I have been reincarnated yet again... as myself. I live forever, but keep dying.
3. I talk to myself, telepathically. Skeptics tell me I don’t think.
4. Seduction is rape not by force but by charm.
5. To perfect nature is science; to perfect human nature, science fiction.
6. Why do they say “Died instantly” when the only way to die is all at once?
7. Burning books lightens the dark. Reading books enlightens the dark ages.
8. Gossip is the only sound that travels faster than the speed of light
9. How many vegetables did you murder to make your salad? None, they died in their sleep.
10. If a haemophiliac bled to death by a paper cut, would that make librarians armed and dangerous?
11. Political correctness is the speech impediment of blind prejudice.
12. The bigger the TV, the smaller the IQ.

1-6 © 2007 Simon Wardell.
7-12 © 2008 Simon Wardell.