2 short poems
my world is crashing down
as im struggling for air
i reach for a hand
i realize is not there
im trapped in my own prison
a fate i know too well
i was looking for a heaven
but landed in a hell
the fire that surrounds me
is completely unreal
my heart is already broken
so theres nothing left to feel
slipping through the cracks
i mumble and i curse
realizing my life
can only get much worse
i probably shouldnt complain
because of this i am a part
but it doesnt change the way
it simply breaks my heart
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Potenial
What you think about, you bring about.
I think this is a good start. The meter seems off. Look through and find what small words can be cut out. A poet says as much as she can, with very few words. Hope you don't mind constructive pointers. Cause every poet has to endure them.
Sincerely,
Debborah
thank you so much for your
thank you so much for your comments, i love to get all kinds of reviews, i like it when people are honest and i also enjoy the pointers. thanks so much for your honest opinion :)
*~*Mandee*~*
this one is good,
What you think about, you bring about.
Both poems convey a severe hopelessness, is that what it was ment to convey?
sincerely,
Debborah
yes it was meant to convey
yes it was meant to convey hopelessness. :)
*~*Mandee*~*
this was a very good read.....
I can really relate to this poem and I find it comforting that Im not the only one who has these thoughts.....this was an honest and well written poem....bravo!
thank you for your comment.
thank you for your comment. i really appreciated it. and im glad to know when i get in these moods im not the only one that feels like this sometimes. :) thank you very much you brightened my day :)
*~*Mandee*~*
The Wall, The Wall, the Damned Freakin Wall
Mandee,
It would seem that you have run smack up against the wall that finds us all at more than one point in our lives. The questions is, how do you deal with the wall? Do you scale it with perseverence, do you walk miles around it or do you bulldoze the SOB down. It's a stopping point, it's not the end.
Take Care of That Wall,
Pete
thank you for your reply. i
thank you for your reply. i am very well and im not really that depressed. i just get into moods sometimes. most of my poems were written at around the same time so a lot of them have the same type of theme. but i can assure you and everyone else that reads my work it is simply just poetry :) nothing more.
*~*Mandee*~*