The Stilled Demon

I am still.

Still, I am still.
While waves crash
and smiles flash
as children splash
and childhood's few days do pass,
I am alas still.

I am still still.
Decisions stuck
and deals struck
by winner's luck
and those of much tougher stuff,
I am thus still.

Still I'm bestilled.
I feel the fear build -
heart's desire killed
as art's fire's chilled
and purpose goes yet unfulfilled.
I am still stilled.

I am afraid -
devoid of ambition
for lack of a vision
and sick indecision
compelling my own self-derision -
afraid that I'm yet afraid.

I'm still afraid.
My courage near nill,
I feign lack of will,
but I've life to fulfill!
And yet I am so very still,
and I am still afraid.

But I take a breath
to ward off this death!
I still the stillness
and face this psychic illness.
Oh, relief's smile is delicious
as, still, I am still...

...*me*.