I was just ebbing along in my life.
Waxing and waning
between joy and sorrow
when I met you.

At first a guiding light,
then a friend.
A confidant and comic,
you lightened the load.
We spent that time over coffee
laughing and sighing,
remembering and sharing,
passing the time.
Smiles exchanged,
welcomed greetings.

Then, something happened.
There was something else there.
Something I could not put my finger on.
Something that captured me and confused me.

I was sure I was imagining it,
the look in your eyes
and the lilt on your voice.
But, I wasn't,
others saw it too.

The light touches and soft eyes that would greet me.
Had this been this way all along?
No, I don't think so, it couldn't have been,
I would have seen it,
I would have felt it..
I just would have known.

So confusing now are my thoughts.
You were advertising something that was not for sale
and now I am convinced I must have it.

You pulled back claiming misunderstanding,
but it was not something you said,
it was what you did,
what you are unaware of.

You look too long,
look too deep,
hold on to my gaze and smile.
You make contact,
even a shove or tap
but you break the barrier of the air between us.

You say my name as if it was a beautiful song
and show me attention
I was never meant to have.

Why did you say I misunderstood?
You persued me,
you just didn't realize it.
Chemistry and biology do not request permission
from the psyche, nor do they inform the sender
of their own messages.
That is the mystery of attraction,
that is the way it is designed.

Now, you are afraid,
you feel guilty
and you feel uncomfortable
and insist you did nothing.
You leave me with the suffering of knowing you
and what may have been...
in another time
in another place
in another lifetime.

I am filled with wasted passion,
emotions and affection.
With nowhere to put it
nowhere to send it
no way to silence it

I can not give it away to another as you suggest...

It belongs to you. The pain....is mine.