Strange, isn’t it?
To be so removed from yourself
While all the time being enmeshed
Understanding the stages
Knowing depression is coming…coming…

It’s here!
Wander aimlessly through rooms
Filled with everything she is.
Sit, eat, smoke a cigarette…sit, eat, smoke some more

Wait, I’m not bummed out, am I?
I know that hurt leads to anger
Nothing to lash out at leads to depression
Since I know these things, I can’t possibly
Go through them, can I?

Oh, so smart and well read
Experienced to a great degree
Wise, though? No, I think not.
Not wise enough to avoid the feelings anyway.
Foreknowledge does nothing to abate this.

Critically, clinically analyze myself
Deconstruct the analysis piece by piece
Mental tongue poking the sore tooth

Leave it alone! Stop already, dummy!
You’re not helping you! Get hold of us!
Jeezus, you are not doing well, are you?!?

I’m fine, you. I know what you’re doing.
Wallowing in your self pity and pain.
I keep trying to tell you to get busy.
Visit a friend, have a beer, laugh at yourself.
You’re taking everything too seriously.
In the great scheme does this matter, really?
Learn, move on, you will love aga…

WHAT!?!?! NEVER!!! SHE WAS THE ONE!!!

The one what, my friend?
And if she was, doesn’t that mean, logically,
That this would not be happening as we speak?
There are other plans for you, me, us…
No, I don’t know yet what they are
In the fullness of time we will understand, yes?
Reason, we always find one, don’t we?
Sometimes it takes time to get it
To hear what He is saying but we hear it eventually
Have patience, that overstated virtue.

Yes, I suppose you’re right.
I should pack my things…but
It’s so hard sometimes. Acting like everything
Is really okay. Smiling through the grimace
So you don’t have to see the pity and…
Yes, there it is, the satisfaction in people’s eyes
That your perfect love is flawed beyond redemption.

Strange, is it not,
To sit outside yourself and watch what you have become?

I think I’ll go pack now…