And so I sit here;
Cold, dark, and alone.
I can not turn back now;
She has already decided on what it is she wants.

But I just wish that today;
She would want to help me.
I can not be alone tomorrow;
I am in a state of denial.

I waste all my time thinking about you;
I spend a few precious hours with you;
And then, suddenly I am cold, dark, and alone once again.
The wind has been removed from my sail;
The smile from my face.

And now in the time I need you most;
You cease to exist except in memories.
I sit here and put on a fake smile;
In this fake world;
With our fake rules;
and your fake love.

I feel as if I am the one that has a problem;
But I begin to realize that there is no problem.
No problem for you;
So why am I depressed?
Why can I not get you off of my mind?
Why do I wish you were here?
Why will i not see you tomorrow?
Why can I not relax?
Why do i feel used?
Why will I not sleep tonight?
Why do you not want to be with me tomorrow?
Why can't you be there for me in the time I need you most?
Why do you not love me the way I love you?

You make a conscious decision not to see me;
It hurts me from the inside and shows on the outside.
It makes me feel like crying.
Sometimes I sit here and cry;
At two in the morning when no one can judge me.
Not even you.

You say you love me;
You say you know what love is;
You say we will be together forever.
You speak purely of lies;
You do not know that of which you speak.

You do not know love
And if you know love then what I feel for you is much deeper than love.
You do not feel the same way for me as I do for you;
And I wish I could portray that to you in some way.
Words can not dig deep enough;
Or tell my story the way it should be told.
I am pure emotion;
Pure, raw, unfiltered, emotion.
Very not masculine according to society's fake standards , I know.

Life is made up of untruthful, fake people;
I just wish you were not one of them.
And I wish i was not one of them either.
I need to be honest with you;
But I can not.
I will be laughed at because my emotions are not that of a true man.
As bad as fake is;
It is better than ridicule.

'Love' is not a four letter word;
The same way that 'fake' is;
Love is my emotion towards you;
Fake is your love towards me.